You're Still You
by athira80
Summary: Athrun and Kira's POV during the series until they reunited once again...as enemies. AthunKira (Shonen Ai)


**Title: **You're Still You

**Author:** athira80

**Date Started:** 31 March 2004

**Category: **Drama/Romance/Angst

**Ratings: **NC-13

**Pairing: **Athrun Zala & Kira Yamato

**Disclaimers: **All the characters are owned by Bandai Sunrise from Gundam Seed.

"You're Still You" was performed by Josh Groban, during the finale of the series of Ally McBeal.

**You're Still You**

> _Through the darkness_
> 
> _I can see your light_
> 
> _And you will always shine_
> 
> _And I can feel your heart in mine_

**[Kira]**

I quickly run to the park as soon as the last lesson ends. I can feel my breath almost running out because of the running. Athrun wants to talk to me about something after school and I'm so eager to hear it. We had a small talk, sitting down together during lunchtime and I was a bit worried about him. He seemed to look upset and no matter how many times I convinced him to open his mouth, he just shook his head and smiled, and I knew it wasn't his real smile. For some reason, I could feel that he's hiding something. I begin to worry, hopefully, he will tell me what bothers him.

I find Athrun standing silently in the middle of the park, which filled with sakura blossoms all around him. It's beautiful. The wind blows the sakura, making it almost look like sakura rain and Athrun almost look invisible behind those pink petals. His long medium hair and the way he stands making him almost looks like one of those samurai prince during the Meiji era, so strong and elegant. I approach him, calling out his name.

> _Your face, I memorized_
> 
> _I idolized just you_

"There would no war between the Plant and the earth."

My heart skipped a beat when you finally told me what has been bothering you since. I shouldn't listen to this. The war is coming and his parents had sacrifice themselves by sending him to Plant, making him to become a fine soldier. You will be gone. Away from me. Away from our times. Away from our memories. I can't imagine how empty life would be, without you on my side.

My eyes are watery as you give me one of your robot creations, placing it on the palm of my hand. It's in a shape of a bird with green and yellow colours. It's amazing how he can make all these things, all by himself. I hold it carefully onto my hands as I place my gaze to your beautiful emerald eyes. This will be my greatest treasure.

"Kira, you will be coming too, right?"

Silent is my only answer…

> _I look up to_
> 
> _Everything you are_
> 
> _In my eyes you do no wrong_
> 
> _I've loved you for so long_
> 
> _And after all is said and done_

**[Athrun]**

I give you my last embrace, as this is the only way for me to give you some strength to move on. I can feel my shoulder begins to feel damp as your body begin to tremble. I look into your watery eyes. It's such a pity, for having such beautiful amethyst eyes and they're all covered with your tears. I want to see your clear eyes again before I go. My worries fill my heart, thinking on how the students will treat you once I'm gone, since you're a silent type of person.

I found Kira once got beaten up as he lied helplessly on the ground. Several students were standing in front of him, ready to give him another strike. And yes, it was me who took care the rest eventually. I hope those students learnt some lessons from it. God, I was so angry. I just don't understand how those people find it amusing to do so.

My visions begin to blur, my tears begin to flow, and I will not let him see it as I quickly cover it with a smile.

"Don't worry, Kira. Tori will be there for you." I say as I refer to the bird's name.

I know you feel disappointed with the whole thing, with the war and everything. I just wish it didn't happen in the first place. I wish I could stay like this with you forever. The world is such a cruel and lonely place. I just wish that I didn't meet you, falling in love with you, so that we won't be hurting each other.

I place my hands on your soft cheeks, wiping the tears away and trying to be strong in front you. But the fact, deep down, my heart hurts. I can feel your warm lips as our lips emerged. God, I'm going to miss it.

Moment later, I can hear my father's voice calling me out in the distance. Thankfully, he didn't catch us while we were kissing. I guess this is it. As I turn my back on you, I can hear your voice behind me.

"Athrun! Don't forget me! Don't forget our memories!"

I smile at him, "I won't, Kira…"

With that, I leave you behind. My father places his hand on my shoulder, trying to cheer me up. I'm struggling myself not to look at you again as we walk. I won't look back to the past…

> _You're still you_
> 
> _After all_
> 
> _You're still you…_

**[Kira]**

I find myself in the middle of war, all of a sudden. The ZAFT soldiers are attacking the Orb, our neutral colony. The civilians are panicking as they run to every direction, saving their own lives. Explosions and shots of gunfire are ringing loudly in my ears. I got separated from my friends after I follow this mysterious person who happens to be a girl. But I finally manage to place her in a safe place, even though she struggles herself to stay in this dangerous place. I have no idea why…

All the doors in the building are badly damaged and I have to find my way out quickly. I run to every possible direction, but there aren't any. I'm trying to be as calm as I possibly can. If Athrun were here, he would know where we should be going. I wonder what he thinks about this war. I wonder where you are now.

I discontinue my steps as I see a woman with long brown hair got shot on her right shoulder and she's badly wounded. I manage to run towards her and kneeling beside her, trying to give her any support I can give. I can't even figure out since when I start helping people. I guess it was when you rescued me from those students who bullied me and that really makes me want to help people, so they won't be feeling helpless like I did.

Suddenly, a figure in ZAFT fighting uniform run towards us, holding his battle knife in his hand. I gasp as my eyes went wide in utter disbelief, seeing your emerald green eyes clearly behind the helmet you wear as you come closer.

"A…Athrun?"

"Kira?"

My feelings are caught in joy and sadness when I hear your voice once again.

> _You walk past me_
> 
> _I can feel your pain_
> 
> _Time changes everything_
> 
> _One truth always stays the same_
> 
> _You're still you_
> 
> _After all_
> 
> _You're still you_

**[Athrun]**

I don't know how long the war has last for. I stand silently beside the window glass inside the Vesalius, looking at stars that glow from million lights of years. I can't get that vision out off my head. My long lost friend rode the last Gundam that we are meant to steal. We are completely got caught in the middle of war. Why is this happening to me? Why is this happening to us? I don't want to lose you for the second time.

I didn't know what to do back then, so I tell the Captain about the situation what I'm in, but he seems not to care.

"Next time, shoot him." He says, "We're in the middle of the war."

I can only lower my head in response, licking my dried lips as I accepting his words. He has a point. We are in the middle of war and surviving is the only thought that people has at the moment. I have to defend my soldiers. I don't want anything bad to happen to them after I witnessed Kira damaging Duel as well as its pilot. Isaac is badly injured on his right eye and now he's in treated in one of the hospital rooms.

For some reason, I got really angry of myself. For not being able to do anything, like protecting my allies and shoot the traitor. But I can't get myself to do that. I was ready to shoot you, but all those memories are stopping me from doing it. Thus, I couldn't protect Isaac. Shit, I got caught up in the middle.

"Athrun?" Nicole's words sending me back to present. "Are you all right?"

"I'm…I'm all right, Nicole."

"Don't worry, Athrun. The war will end soon."

Yeah, everybody keeps saying that to me. All these years, I've been waiting for peace to come and that's the purpose why I came to Plant in the first place, to be fine soldier so that we can regain peace. I had to sacrifice myself to be apart from Kira and from my parents. But one thing for certain, I never thought that he will be on the other side of the group. What the hell is he thinking?

The green haired boy once again disturbs my reverie as he holds my hands as he speaks. God, I think too much…

"Hey, Athrun. When peace comes, will you be coming to my piano concert? I promised it would be the best performance ever! I won't disappoint you."

He smiles and I got convince.

"Of course. I'm looking forward to it."

I'm trying to forget everything that relates anything to Kira at the moment. It hurts me to know that I should throw all those beautiful memories away, putting into perspective that everything was just a dream. At this rate, I don't know whom I should to believe.

> _I look up to_
> 
> _Everything you are_
> 
> _In my eyes you do no wrong_

**[Kira]**

It seems that I completely lose track of time since the war began. All of my friends are finally reunited with their parents in the bridge, while I'm still busy typing in the cockpit, checking my settings, making sure that the Gundam will function properly in the next upcoming battle. We will never know when the enemy will arrive to attack us.

I look at my Tori that sit quietly on my shoulder.

"Tori?" its tone is filled with concern.

I sigh. It feels so sad the fact that all these time, Tori's the only company I have until now. It follows me whenever I go. But of course, when it comes to mission, I won't be bringing Tori along with me. I don't want something happen to my precious treasure, the only link between Athrun and I.

Out of the blue, Tori suddenly fly away from my shoulder. I panic as I quickly call out its name, but it ignores me and keep on flying. I quickly jump out from the cockpit, abandoning my works. I don't care as long as I can get it back. It feels funny and amusing though, this time I have to follow him.

"Tori! Come back!"

> _And I believe in you_
> 
> _Although you never asked me to_
> 
> _I will remember you_
> 
> _And what life put you through_

**[Athrun]**

We are all sitting on the bench beside the main road. We are detecting if there's any sign of the last Gundam nearby and Nicole is the only one who is busy typing on his machine. Waiting is the only way we can do. I can hear Isaac and Diacca's voices beside me, complaining about the mission we are in. Being dispatched from Vesalius a few hours ago, I understand how the boy's feelings are. Bored, tired, hungry, and after all, we are still human being.

"Hey, Nicole. How much longer?" Isaac speaks in impatient tone.

"Wait a moment. Still detecting." he replies, with his eyes still lock on his small computer.

For some reason, my minds aren't completely set well enough on the mission. No matter how many attempts I try to forget him, it always come. Yes, I'm still thinking about Kira. I begin to miss him a lot lately. Apparently, he appeared into my dream a few nights ago. He was smiling, with Tori on his hands. He looked so happy. Last time when I saw him through the screen inside the cockpit, he looked so upset, afraid and sad. I caught a glimpse of tears floating inside his helmet as he pleaded to stop this stupid war. I wish I could say something to you back then. Saying the words that I never said to anyone else.

"Tori!"

A familiar robotic voice catches my attention, abandoning my thoughts. It's a bird. I reach out my hand and surprisingly, the bird land on my hand. The boys place their gaze on the green little bird.

I stun. It's Tori. The bird robot that I made ages ago!

"Hey, cute little bird!" Nicole says beside me, "I wonder where the owner is."

Oh God, please do not send him here.

"Tori! Where are you?"

**[Kira]**

I'm trying calling out my Tori few times already, but it's nowhere to be found. I start to feel anxious as I place both of my hands beside my mouth once again. This time, I make my voice louder.

"Tori! Where are you?"

Moment of silence occur. Then, a voice reaches my ears.

"Were you looking for this?"

I feel relief that someone finally find my Tori as I ran quickly towards the stranger who stands behind the fence. As I got closer to the figure, he's not a stranger as I thought it would be.

"Athrun?"

Your pale face reveals under the ray of sunset, with Tori standing on your hands. I cannot breath and my body begin to tremble, not knowing what to do. I'm seeing my beloved standing right in front of me who I haven't seen since the last time we saw each other. My feelings are all mixed up together; happiness, angry, relief, fear, anxious. Why? For all this time you haven't showed up and now you're standing right in front of me? As an enemy? Please tell me all of those feelings weren't lie. My thoughts are mingling inside my head. I can feel myself falling down…

I can see the other pilots in the distance, behind Athrun's back, across the road. The ZAFT pilots are here, detecting every move we make. I can feel my feet wants to run away from the scene, reporting this matter to the Captain, but my heart wants to remain here. It's so strange. I really don't know whether this person in front of me is really my love or my enemy.

And so, I decide to approach you. You lift your hands a bit, sending Tori back on my hands. I don't know what to say. I feel my mouth is locked completely. It feels like dejavu, those times when you gave me Tori in the middle of sakura blossoms before you left.

"It's been a long time, isn't it?"

Your tone feels so strange in my ears. Gosh, you talk to me as if I was a stranger. It hurts. Why are you doing this? I have suffered enough since you left and now you're doing this to me? I decide to build up all my courage to speak, even though I know it won't sounds nice.

"Yes. It's been a long time."

I pause for a moment, preparing myself to say some words that I haven't got a chance to say it to you, while we still have time. Oh God, please give me strength. My heart is pounding so hard!

"I love you."

> _And in this cruel and lonely world_
> 
> _I found one love…_

**[Athrun]**

You still haven't change. You're still look so fragile to me. But when you were riding behind the Gundam, you looked so strong, like a warrior who was willing to sacrifice in order to protect to those he loved. Even the four of us were struggling to fight you. I wonder where did you have the strength. But it doesn't matter now. All that matters now is that I can see you again, my love.

"I love you…"

My heart is pounding violently in my chest and my face is burning. I never expect it that you will be saying those words at this time. I really miss those words, the three beautiful words that I haven't heard in ages. I cannot resist myself by pulling you closer, ignoring the fence that separate us. I know this shocks you as you gasped within my embrace. I miss you so much.

Thoughts regarding on fate and destiny came into my mind. The fence itself can be symbolising as destiny itself, the only object that doesn't allow us to unite. But then again, I realised why destiny separate us. There must be a reason behind all this and I'm hoping that I will find the answer sooner or later.

Your sobbing reached my ears as you grit your teeth, trying to hold back the tears in your eyes. All I can do now is to embrace you, giving you some strength to move on. I began to pray, pleading to lend him some strength and courage and praying to end this war. We will have our peace, no more fighting, no more suffering, and no more deaths. And my last wish is that I want to reunite with my beloved once again. We will meet as a lover, not as an enemy.

You're still haven't change, and that relief me in a way.

Your feelings haven't change. You're still you.

"I love you too, Kira."

> _You're still you_
> 
> _After all_
> 
> _You're still you_

**THE END**


End file.
